When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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