i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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