1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
