the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
