I want to stick my p in your. b.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Blood and glitter go together right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
