TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
