made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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