She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
