I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
