I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
