My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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