Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
