come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm passing your future prison.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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