Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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