I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
