Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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