bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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