Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
