she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
