you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
a search helicopter?!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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