then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
