just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
