Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
