i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
