Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You are the jesus of drinking
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
