How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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