Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
