We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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