Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
