he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
