Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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