Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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