In America we eat man semen.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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