i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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