ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
