I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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