What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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