I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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