listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
