I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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