Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
