for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just invented taco cereal.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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