your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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