i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
