the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
