What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
