he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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