I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
