He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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