Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
