billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
