i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
