I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
